Love and Marriage

I decided it is about time to write my feelings about my marriage.

I was engaged about two years ago to an amazing guy. His name was not Rhett Rogers. It was right-I felt it confirmed, and then it fell to pieces when a guy named Rhett walked into my life. He was a young man in my home evening group. He told me he thought I was cute, and butterflies started to form in my stomach.

My engagement was broken off and I was left hurting and confused. Every night when I went to bed, I readily turned out the light because I didn't want to have to think anymore because I was so confused and broken. I remember crying myself to sleep, hoping that the next day would be easier.

I will be honest: I never thought that things would go anywhere with Rhett Rogers. I expected it would be a fling and nothing else.

My parents were confused with me, my friends didn't understand and I felt terrible. I didn't want to hurt anyone-especially the young man I had been engaged to, but I knew that I had. 

It is hard to love yourself when you feel completely lost. I started to come back to life after weeks and months of confusion and numbness. 

Life was feeling better. Rhett and I were surprisingly still together. It didn't make sense to me.

I need to go ahead and tell you about the challenge I had through this entire ordeal. I have always experienced some form of anxiety and OCD, partly because it runs in my family. My mind interlocks on things and cannot easily them go. 

When my engagement was falling apart, I felt like I had no one to turn to. My closest friend did not understand what I was going through, and in doing so, I felt like I was a disgrace to her. My family was confused and upset with me. 

My anxiety continued to spike throughout all of this. I was confused. Why would Heavenly Father send me a confirmation about my fiancé and then have it fall apart?   I needed direction and guidance, not coldness and bitterness from the ones I wanted love from. 

Somehow, after the Winter, came the Spring. Life continued on. And Rhett was still there. He never left my side. My anxiety didn't go away--in fact, it got worse. I worried that I would never have the courage to get married to anyone because of all of my doubts. I worried that I would not have all of these amazing confirmations and things that I had heard about from my friends.

Rhett and I became best friends. We loved each other and he especially helped me with my anxiety. He wanted to help me, and my family appreciated this along with myself. I would sometimes stay up at night in a panic because I didn't know the future, I didn't know what was ahead--and it was scary.

But things...just fell into place. Things progressed. I love the scripture in 2nd Nephi 28 "For behold, thus saith the Lord God: I will give unto the children of men line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little. ."  I feel like this scripture illustrates so many things in each of our lives, and I know it did in my courtship and engagement with Rhett. Eventually, it was just time--I was ready, and he was evermore ready to be married. 

He proposed to me near the bell tower at BYU amidst a delicious picnic and a bunch of hungry ducks. I felt like I was going to throw up because I was so full of anxiety when he asked me. 

We were sealed in the St. George temple July 12, 2013 and it was a wonderful decision. We were overwhelmed with the love and help that we received from our dear family and friends. It was a very busy, but amazing time. The spirit was strong and I knew that this was a good thing. I might not have received a lightning strike from heaven telling me "THIS IS THE ONE!" but I knew that if Rhett and I were both doing what was right that the Lord approved. Others contended with me on this subject,  but I still feel very strongly about it. 

My life has not been a perfect Fairytale since we got married, but it has been full. Full of dragons and demons to fight alongside together. . Full of happiness and giggling and reading bedtime stories. Full of sadness and hope and joy. It is Life, and it is Wonderful. 

I am so grateful that I am married to Rhett Marshall Rogers. He can drive me off the wall sometimes, but I love him all the same. Things have not gone the way that I planned, but things have gone the way that God planned. Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are real and They will help us everyday if we only turn to Them. 

Happy 6 months my Sweetheart. My speckled Frog. I love you. 

Sincerely,

Kristalyn CS Rogers