What does He have in mind?

"I just don't want to talk about it right now? Okay?!" My lower lip trembled as I tried not to cry. Rhett was driving me home after a very crazy day at work. Things hadn't gone well and I had to stay later to fix problems. I was then informed by my husband that we were going to have to move because he was taking a year off of school. I love my home. I love Wymount. I never thought I would, but I fell in love with the little neighborhood between the apartment buildings, the little kiddies that would walk by on the pavement and the safe surroundings. I was upset. Too upset. I ran into my apartment, tore off the cute sign on our front door and crawled into my bed and cried. It felt like everything I loved was being taken away from me. I didn't want to move. I wanted to stay there until we finished school. I wouldn't speak to my husband for several hours. I admit it was very childish, but my emotions were overflowing with anger, sadness and disappointment. 

I lay in my bed, looking at the ever darkening walls around me. I loved this home. It became ours. And now I had to leave. I refused. I wouldn't let it happen. But I knew I had no choice. I blamed my husband. My sadness and anger boiled inside of me and my heart ached. I looked over to my string of stuffed animals along the side of my wall and saw a framed picture that my family had given me. It had a picture of a girl looking out thoughtfully with the saying of "Don't Cry Because It's Over. Smile Because It Happened."  Despite how awesome this well thought out quote from Dr. Seuss was, I was not going to smile because of this. I had every right to be angry and upset and mad. But perhaps not to stay that way. My husband needed my love and support, and I couldn't even stand to be in the same room with him.

It took a day or two for this rift that I had created between us to dissolve. I had my time to mourn and to be sad, but I had to get over it and we began looking immediately for places to live. That first Saturday we looked at 8 or 9 apartments or homes. I was exhausted, but we found one that we loved. The apartment felt right. We put in an application and were eager to move in. But we didn't get the place. Someone else had beat us to the chase and we were left to search again. Finding a place to live is not easy. It has to feel right, be affordable and I felt like half of the places lacked in at least one of those areas. It was either too dumpy or too expensive. As the second Saturday loomed around, we started again and looked at 5 or 6 places. I came back home from this search exhausted and very discouraged. I took to my bed again and before I fell asleep, I looked up several new listings on Craigslist and told Rhett to call them to set up appointments. Before I knew it, I was in a deep sleep. Rhett let me sleep and took the rest of our housing consultants (my cousin and two siblings) with him to look at one of the places I gave to him. 

As they drove to the apartment complex, my cousin and siblings were surprised. It was the same apartment complex that we had lived in as a family when we were little kids. They walked up to the apartment listed and the lady directed them downstairs to another apartment which was the one that was going to be available. They couldn't believe it. It was the Exact same apartment we had lived in. When they came home and told me, a weird feeling entered my heart. I can't even explain it. I felt like crying, but I couldn't.  It felt like it was too weird and incredible to pass up. The apartment was extremely within our budget and actually had an extra bedroom. I wanted to go back and look at it for myself. 

I walked in--and the little kids on the floor playing made me think of my family. Two of my siblings were born during the time we lived in this home. I knew this place..very well. I can close my eyes now and picture us pulling off the covers on my parents bed unbeknownst to my mother and jumping on the bed from their dresser. I could picture all 5 of us kids in our two bunk beds in one room. My dad on the couch watching the Discovery Channel with us. My mom in the kitchen turning up her music and singing. It left me feeling extremely melancholy all day. 

We are moving into the apartment at the end of May. It is very true that God Works in Mysterious Ways. I never would have dreamed about moving back into this apartment, but it just fit. Heavenly Father gave us a gift--a tender mercy--a miracle--and despite my worries, I knew we had to take it. That weird feeling I felt when they told me it was our old place--it was like Heavenly Father was saying "Okay, here is something for you. Something that will be special to you. You better take it you ding-dong. Quit complaining and move forward. Everything doesn't have to be Perfect."  

It is hard to put your trust in God when hard things come up. It is through these trying times that we either make or break ourselves. I could choose to be bitter at my husband for making us move. But what good would that do?? None. I could choose to be upset because my life is not going as I planned, but when I look back at it--my life never ever goes as planned. It is better. It is harder. And it is wonderful. Don't let negative things in your life break you. Let them Make you. 

I will miss our Wymount ward and home so much. The year we have had here has been wonderful, and I will definitely "Smile Because It Happened." Things don't have to go as planned, and they won't. I am amazed at how much I have to learn. 

I am not perfect. I still am not sure what the future holds, but I will try my best to breathe and let God direct my path. 

 "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." ~Proverbs 3:5-6